best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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