waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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