he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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