uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize