you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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