My liver just broke up with me...
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
