is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
