Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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