I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
