one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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