I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Vodka?
Forever.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
