the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
