I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
