It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
