no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
