You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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