no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
