Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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