I just made out with a guy for $7.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
