I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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