I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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