Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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