Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
