You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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