if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
