4 words: hood of his car
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
