I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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