I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
