I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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