He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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