Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
