she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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