well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
so let's talk penis.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
