no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
