No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
