Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
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