he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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