batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
