3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
