it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just found puke in my bra..
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
