i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
