You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
