i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You don't make any sense
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