i was born a porn star she said
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
