I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
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