New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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