when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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