Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
