Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You're like the curious george of whores
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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