Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
