every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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