i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
