Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
