Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
