I can tuck mytits in my pants
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
