forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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