The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
