I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
