last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
