haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
