I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize