i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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