The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
