My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize