hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
