Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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