I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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