Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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