You smell like stripper and shame
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
