it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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