worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
