Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Its about making memories worth repressing
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
