apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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