I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
