Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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