Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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