Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
