And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
