this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
