Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
