# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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