the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
