gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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