billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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