This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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