fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
