I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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