Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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