Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I wish I could punch you in the face.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
