marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
