If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
