Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
