i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My pussy is not your playground.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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