we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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