It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
