the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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