if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
