Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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