I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
